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It’s common to feel like you're all alone in your desire to become healthier. You see the need to shift your lifestyle and create new habits, but the ones closest to you are digging their heels in, either totally apathetic or completely resistant to change.
First off, let me high five and hug you, friend. Making the choice to finally create significant changes for your health is not a small matter. I know you feel like it shouldn’t be a big deal, but it really is. Committing to exercise consistently and clean up your eating regimen should be celebrated. If nobody else around you is offering applause, make sure you hear it from me. You go, girl!
But it's awfully hard when you don't feel supported. And sometimes walking into your own home can feel like walking into the lion's den. "Who brought all these chips, cookies, and treats in here?"
What should you do?
Above all else, check your attitude. Make sure you go about your health journey with a gentle and quiet spirit, which, if you remember, is precious in the sight of God... Your husband (and the rest of your family) might be won over without a single word, just by your own behavior. (1 Peter 3:1-4) You can be a powerful influence in your home, even if you simply keep your head down and stay the course.
Should do's. Here are some tangible things that you should do if you feel like your family is not on board with your healthy choices:
- Display diligence, endurance, discipline, and strength. Make sure that you mean what you say when you commit to change. Prove to others with your actions that this is actually very important to you, and you’re making a big deal out of it.
- Open up the communication channels. Make it clear what you intend to do with your healthy choices. Your plan needs to be clear for everyone around you. Use words like “I am planning to eat fresh produce and healthy protein with all of my meals, and I plan to only eat little bits of junk foods and drinks on the weekends.” Be specific so there’s no doubt about what you’re setting out to do.
- Ask for their support with humility. Realize they might not give you all the support you need, but it's still helpful to ask. Bringing them on board with your journey is very powerful, for you and for them. It puts them in a unique position where they begin to step into these choices a little more. Say words like, "I'm really struggling with this part of my plan. Can you help me by ______ ?"
- Focus on what you CAN change. You’ll probably hear things like, "Don't make me eat all this healthy crap!" Or, “Why did you get rid of all the snacks?” Be somewhat flexible, recognizing that you can't change everything. For dinnertime, figure out dishes that everyone likes and then see if you can make healthy tweaks for yourself. (For example: taco salad for you instead of tacos; spaghetti squash for you instead of the noodles; extra helping of salad instead of the side of rice.) Then be sure to resist other food temptations (like your husband’s cookies!), and make sure all the meals that you can control are top-notch.
Shouldn't do's. These are things that you definitely shouldn’t do with your family members. It won't help anyone involved.
- Don’t place excessive expectations on them. It’s easy for us to heap the bulk of our own responsibility on our so-called accountability partners. This is not their journey, it’s yours. Don’t expect your family members to hold your hand through the whole process.
- Don't nag. Forcing or pushing someone to make healthy changes with you usually backfires. They might put up an even higher wall of resistance and develop a rebellious attitude towards it.
- Don't lay the guilt on thick or be passive aggressive. “If you would just eat how I eat, you wouldn’t be so fat.” “Obviously, you don’t care about this because you never support me.” “You need to get healthier, like me. It’s going to catch up to you someday.” These are nasty words that cut deep and create layers of bitterness in a relationship. Totally unnecessary.
- Don’t shove it all in their face. Most of the time, it’s better to just leave them alone and let your actions and results speak for themselves.
As a mom, you're in a unique position of influence over your kids, especially if they're young. You make their meals and govern their activities. You can model healthy behavior for them, but you also have the authority to tell them what to do. The adults in your home (ahem...husbands...) are another matter.
Obviously, the best-case scenario would be to have a fully supportive environment where everyone in the family is working to be healthy. But often, this just isn’t realistic. Whether your home is helping you out or not, you can still succeed. And if you go about it with a gentle and quiet spirit, your family will probably come around to the healthy side.
Remember, your actions and your results will speak way louder than words.
If you need a haven of support for your health and fitness journey, Strong Mommas is the perfect place. When you join the Strong Mommas Membership, you gain access to a private coaching group that gives you daily encouragement, inspiration, a place to ask questions, vent frustrations and hear stories just like your own. It's all the support you might be missing at home. Click here to learn more about everything included and join today!
